I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
