ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
