you turned your livingroom into a bong?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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