I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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