My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
