I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
