oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
