Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
