i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
