How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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