Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
