Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He passed out mid-signature
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
