I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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