she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
