Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
