apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
