Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
