god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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