I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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