just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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