I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
