no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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