My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I love black thongs
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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