This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we should paint friendship bongs
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