? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
