he wants to bone in the snuggie
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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