Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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