You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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