i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
