Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
