I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was born a porn star she said
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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