my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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