Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
