I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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