I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
