My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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