I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize