I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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