In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
