Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
