I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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