You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
