Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I look better un-naked...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
