i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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