she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
