called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.