paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?