a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you win again, gameday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.