Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA