I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.