I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?