I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
