apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
