Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
