i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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