He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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