I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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