Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
