Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
