3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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