When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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