Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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