I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Randomize
