Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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