She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
