dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
