NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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