Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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