Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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