Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
