i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
