I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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