she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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