I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
