were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
