she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
