maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
