i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We're facebook friends in real life
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
