what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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