His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
