yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The Olympian is in my bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
