I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
