I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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