my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
