You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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